saifulakhir.blogspot.com

The Boy Who Cried Wolf

2011-12-02T15:01:00.002+08:00

There once was a shepherd boy who was bored as he sat on the hillside watching the village sheep. To amuse himself he took a great breath and sang out, "Wolf! Wolf! The Wolf is chasing the sheep!"

The villagers came running up the hill to help the boy drive the wolf away. But when they arrived at the top of the hill, they found no wolf. The boy laughed at the sight of their angry faces.

"Don't cry 'wolf', shepherd boy," said the villagers, "when there's no wolf!" They went grumbling back down the hill.

Later, the boy sang out again, "Wolf! Wolf! The wolf is chasing the sheep!" To his naughty delight, he watched the villagers run up the hill to help him drive the wolf away.

When the villagers saw no wolf they sternly said, "Save your frightened song for when there is really something wrong! Don't cry 'wolf' when there is NO wolf!"

But the boy just grinned and watched them go grumbling down the hill once more.

Later, he saw a REAL wolf prowling about his flock. Alarmed, he leaped to his feet and sang out as loudly as he could, "Wolf! Wolf!"

But the villagers thought he was trying to fool them again, and so they didn't come.

At sunset, everyone wondered why the shepherd boy hadn't returned to the village with their sheep. They went up the hill to find the boy. They found him weeping.

"There really was a wolf here! The flock has scattered! I cried out, "Wolf!" Why didn't you come?"

An old man tried to comfort the boy as they walked back to the village.

"We'll help you look for the lost sheep in the morning," he said, putting his arm around the youth, "Nobody believes a liar...even when he is telling the truth!"

Taken from : http://www.storyarts.org/library/aesops/stories/boy.html

The Missing Biscuit

2011-11-18T21:01:00.001+08:00

There are two entrances to Gedung Kuning. One of them is fashioned with a huge iron gate adorned stone-carved eagles and overlooked my sekolah makan. The other is a modest wooden door opening onto Kandahar Street. As a child, I remember being told not to venture outside either of the entrance of Gedung Kuning. Nenek was afraid that we might be run over by a passing car or even kidnapped by foreign labourers living in rented rooms in nearby shophouses. So, as children, we played only on the immediate grounds of Gedung Kuning, although occasionally we were allowed to go to the nearby playground if there was an adult who could accompany us.

The wooden back door was next to both the main staircase and the living room where the ambin was; those who lived at Gedung Kuning would use it to reach Kandahar Street, Bussorah Street and the Sultan Mosque. One day, as I was playing on the ambin, I noticed a silhouette of a man on the walkway facing Kandahar Street. He looked as though he was lying on the ground. I could only get a clear view of this mysterious figure through the stained-glass windows and this piqued my curiosity. Could this man be sick? Though I was warned against venturing beyond the gates, I felt I had to do something. I stepped out of Gedung Kuning.

As I opened the back door, an old, ragged-looking Indian man, with curly hair, appeared before me. His clothes were dirty and he looked hungry and tired. He looked at me and said that he just wanted to rest for a while. I smiled at him and quickly closed the door, but though that I still needed to do something. The man was probably poor and weak. How could I help him? What could I give him?

I walked into the dining room. There was no food laid out on the table yet. Both Nenek and Emak were still cooking in the kitchen. I rummaged through the dining room cupboard and found some biscuit in a jar. I grabbed a handful and sneaked back outside where I gave the biscuits to the old man who was still there on the walkway. He thanked me profusely. I told him to wait a while as I went to gather another handful of biscuit for him. Satisfied at seeing the man having something to eat, I went back into the house and resumed playing on the ambin. But soon, the image of the old man started to haunt me. Did he have a home? Did he have any family? How come no one helped him? That was my first encounter as child with the poor. My young mind screamed for answer.

With a renewed sense of mission, I headed straight for the kitchen. Whispering into Nenek’s ear, I asked for some money. She gave me a quizzical look. I took Nenek by the hand and led her into the walkways and pointed out the old man to her. She immediately nodded that she understood and handed the man some money. She asked him to rest on walkway before heading home. Nenek turned to her 5-year-old cucu (grandchild) and with a gentle smile, asked, ‘Did you know what happened to my biscuits?’

I can’t remember if I admitted to Nenek that it was me who took those biscuits, but somehow I believe my childhood encounter with the poor makes me more compassionate towards the plight of the have-nots today. Even though some people thought that Hadi and I were privileged (having been born into the Gedung Kuning family), they did not know that we too belonged to the have-nots. My father was not well-off and had to support his siblings and some of their children. So Hadi and I supported ourselves by working part-time throughout our university years. We gave tuition. We did research for our professors. We worked in musty Archives. Our scholarships, bursaries as well as meagre holiday income allowed us to experience university life to the fullest. How we longed to study abroad just like our friends who went courtesy of their parents’ generosity, but I suspect that success is sweeter when you have struggled to get it. Moreover, when I received the Fulbright Scholarship, I felt that my moral responsibility was to continue to help others who struggled like me.

I never did forget about the poor man who ate Nenek’s biscuits. He was among those who taught me about humility and selflessness. I remember how I beamed with pride when my student (whom I tutored voluntarily) made it to the institutions of higher learning. I remember how my heart glowed when the people I helped during my humanitarian trips smiled warmly back. I remember how I did not mind the arduous conditions and the fatigue that came with all those volunteer work. Yes, it would seem that I was helping the have-nots but in actual fact, it was them who helped me. They gave me a priceless gift - they made me appreciate the joy of giving, something that Haji Yusoff and some kind people of Gedung Kuning were fortunate to receive too.

Taken from the book;

Gedung Kuning: Memories of a Malay Childhood by Hidayah Amin

Loving God

2011-10-22T14:42:00.008+08:00

Hasan al-Basri, Malik ibn Dinar and Syaqiq Balkhi went to pay her(Rabi'ah al- 'Adawiyah) a visit. During which they discussed about veracity in Loving God.

“Whoever does not show steadfastness and patience in facing the blows from the Beloved, is not true in his/her claims (towards Love)”, began Hasan.
“I smell a trace of egoism in your statement,” Rabi’ah stated.
Syaqiq said,”One who does not show gratitude when punished by his/her Master is not truthful in his/her claim.”

“There is still a state that is better,” Rabi’ah added.

Malik tried,

"Whoever does not bear with patience a trial from his/her Master with a peaceful and elated heart, is not truthful in his/her claim."

“This also has room for improvement,” said Rabi’ah.

“Tell us then that which is better,” they asked Rabi’ah.

“One is not truthful in his/her claim (towards Love for God) until he/she becomes oblivious of the blows/trials/punishment because he/she is too absorbed/immersed in contemplating the Beloved. (Subhan Allah!) This is not something unheard of, it is similar to the state of the women of Egypt whom cut their own fingers as they stood amazed at the beauty of Prophet Yusuf a.s. (Joseph). Why should one be amazed (of this state) with regards to Contemplating the Creator?” stated Rabi’ah.

Resources : http://mhamdanbr.wordpress.com/tag/sufi-women/

Saying No to Get to Yes

2011-10-21T23:35:00.001+08:00

We often have a hard time saying no. As a result, our lives become scattered and unfocused and we live life drained.

We have a hard time saying no because we want to help, we want to matter, we want to be valued. When we say yes we feel valued, we feel like we matter, others seemingly appreciate us. Yet, I venture to say that may be short-sighted living. When we say yes for the right reasons, we are energized. When we say yes for the wrong reasons, we feel drained. Ask me how I know!

A life-changer for me a numbers of years ago was realizing that saying no was also saying yes. I could say no and still feel valued because in saying no I was saying yes to something else. The opposite is also true. When we say yes we’re saying no to other things.

Here’s an example. I was asked to be on a team that evaluated and researched a new media learning center. Did it sound like fun? Yes. Would I enjoy doing it? Yes. Did I have the time? No. If I said yes, I would’ve said yes to fun, yes to something that interests me, yes to meeting others in my field at that time. If I said yes, I would’ve said no to my sanity (it would’ve taken up a lot of my time), no to time with friends, no to focusing on the main part of my job at the time which was training. I turned down the opportunity. I told them no thanks, but I was saying yes to retaining my sanity, saying yes to my friends, and saying yes to my students.

Here’s another example. I’m asked to speak to a local entrepreneur group. If I say yes, I’m saying yes to spending the time to prepare, saying yes to meeting other entrepreneurs, saying yes to helping others understand websites. If I say no, I’m saying yes to however I would spend that time doing something else. I will say yes. Saying yes is saying yes to building my business.

How do we know when to say yes and when to say no? Take time to think about what you are saying yes to and what you are saying no to – from all angles. If I say yes to this opportunity, what am I saying no to? If I say no to this opportunity, what am I saying yes to? It will also depend on the season you are in. What time is it in your life? Refer to this post for more info.

And, remember, whatever your response is – whether you say yes or no – you are really saying both. Yes to the opportunity and no to other things. Or, No to the opportunity and yes to other things.

Sometimes we need to use no to get to your yes.

taken from : http://livinglifebydesign.com/saying-no-to-get-to-yes/#content

Philosophy Essay: Lord of the Rings

2011-09-11T14:46:00.003+08:00

The Lord of the Rings is one of the most famous and most loves fantasy novel trilogies of all time. The author J. R. R. Tolkien wrote the trilogy as a form of entertainment as well as being a medium to express his own philosophies and opinions about life and human beings. The Lord of the Rings is a fictional story which takes place in a land known as “Middle-earth.” In this land there are various fantasy-based races: elves, dwarves, hobbits, goblins, orcs, ants (trees), trolls, undead, and of course humans. The main protagonist, Sauron, produced many rings of power. He gave nine rings to humans, seven rings to the dwarves, and three rings to the elves. Being “the reincarnation of evil”, Sauron creates a special ring for himself to control all other rings of power (with the exception of the three rings given to the elves). This ring, which future reference will be known as “The Ring” is the symbol of complete power in The Lord of the Rings (LOTR for future reference). Tolkien uses this scenario to develop his ideas about how different characters under different situations and influences would react to such power.

This essay’s purpose is to examine the effects of The Ring on the characters of LOTR and the philosophies illustrated by these reactions. In a very introductory way this essay will examine power, morality and choice as it relates to The Ring and human beings. The initial task will be to introduce relevant historical philosophical concepts as recorded by Plato is his famous dialogue known as The Republic. Then we will examine various characters from LOTR and how they react when they come in contact with The Ring. During this examination I will refer back to the concepts proposed in The Republic to give a backbone for the interpretations made about the character’s reactions. Finally, well will example the overall temptation of the ring and how to prevent oneself from letting power corrupt the soul.

Plato’s Dialogue: The Republic

The Republic is a famous dialogue which addresses the issue of morality and the all-important question: Why be moral? The participating sides in the dialogue were the Socrates supporting the moral life and Glaucon and Adimantus play the role of the devil’s advocate, supporting the immoral life. The overwhelming problem for the Socrates in the dialogue is how the immoral life appears to be more rewarding than the moral life. At face value, immorality leads to wealth, power and fame while the moral life leads to poverty, powerlessness and abuse. As a result the Socrates have a hard time defending themselves versus the very convincing Glaucon argument.

Glaucon recalls the story of Gyges. In this story Gyges, a lowly shepherd, discovers a ring which renders the wearer invisible. He decides to use this power for personal enrichment rather than goodwill. He ends up seducing the queen of the kingdom to kill the king and finally becomes the ruler himself. Using the age-old story, Glaucon concludes that even a moral man will eventually become immoral as long as he believes he cannot be punished for his actions. Glaucon then proposes the ideal of morality is meant as a balance between unlimited power and powerlessness but fails to produce anything “good”. Glaucon’s conclusion to the question: Why be moral? The moral life is the life chosen by the weak.

Before too much damage could be done Plato steps into the dialogue supporting the moral life. His counter-argument is that the immoral life leads to the corruption of the soul. Signs of this kind of corruption are given as mental and emotional anguish and loneliness. On the other hand, he states that the moral like leads to inner peace and the salvation of the soul. This is the sole reason why a person should choose the moral life over outward pleasure.

LOTR Characters and The Ring

The major controlling component behind the reactions of the characters in LOTR is choice. Each character that comes in contact with The Ring is presented with a choice: to accept, to reject, or to remain indifferent. In this essay I will analyze the following characters with a small description of their significance in LOTR: Gollum, Boromir, Galadiel, Frodo, and Tom Bombadil. Tolkien uses the characters of the LOTR to express his views on how a moral person would act when in contact with power and why one should be moral. The purpose of the section is to not only identify these reactions but to identify the reasons for these reactions.

The first character we shall analyze is Boromir. In LOTR he is a human nobleman fighting for Gondor (the city of the king). He is one of the sons of the current ruler of Gondor. Boromir represents Glaucon’s idea of a moral man. His corruption comes in the fact that he saw The Ring as a tool to defeat Sauron. This closely represent Gyges because as long as you wipe out your enemies, you have not punishment to receive. The positive side of this character’s reaction is that he dies defending the protagonist, Frodo. This is significant because it leaves the idea that The Ring can be overcome in the open.

Gollum on the other hand perfectly illustrates Plato’s and Tolkien’s views on what happens to a man when he allows his soul to become corrupt. Gollum was once a hobbit (like Frodo and Sam) but when he comes in contact with The Ring he becomes totally corrupted by The Ring’s power. This encounter occurs before the opening scene in the LOTR so when we find him in the LOTR he has been corrupted far beyond repair. His lust for The Ring causes him great mental anguish as well as physical decoy. He even goes as far as to place his soul into The Ring and refers to himself in the plural as if he no longer exists. Interestingly enough, Gollum kills to obtain The Ring and ends up dying to keep The Ring.

Galadriel the Lady of Lothlorien is the representation of a strong moral person and is one of the most powerful elves in the LOTR. Frodo in his innocence offers to freely give The Ring to Galadriel whom is greatly tempted by its power. At first she longs to take the rings from Frodo but finally rejects The Ring and decides to “remain Galadriel [herself].” Her significance in LOTR is that she was presented with a choice and chose to reject the ring or at least to “remain” or stay indifferent to its temptation.

In LOTR there are three hobbits (aside from Gollum) that have significant philosophical meaning in their reactions to The Ring. The first hobbit, Frodo, is the protagonist of the LOTR. He is the single character who has the greatest contact with The Ring. His principle job is to destroy The Ring. His character most closely follows Glaucon’s description of a moral man. Any man under progressive exposure to power will eventually give into it. Indeed, Frodo eventually does give into the temptation at the end of the LOTR. The second and most unusual character is Tom Bombadil. He was never cast in the movie although for this essay he has great importance. When Tom puts The Ring on nothing happens. Your first thought about this may be that Tom is too powerless for The Ring to work. But this is not the case since Tom is described as the “master of wood, water and hill.” Later we are told that Tom is “is his own master. But he cannot alter The Ring itself, nor break its power over others.” The importance is in the fact that The Ring has no power over those who are their own masters. This also remains true with the remaining part of the quote by saying that only you can master yourself, no one can master you for you. Therefore Tom and Galadriel show us the first way to avoid the corruption of the soul: To master and remain oneself.

Temptation, Will, and Selflessness

In LOTR almost all the characters have a strong desire for this power held in The Ring. For this reason we can consider The Ring as a fetish because a fetish is a produced object which one has an uncontrollable desire for. A fetish is usually treated as if it has a soul of its own and is completely separated from its surroundings. The character best displaying this occurrence is Gollum who places is soul into The Ring. This is because when you have “nothing,” the “something” you have becomes so dear to you that you begin to fetishize it and place your soul into it.

One proposed solution is gift-giving. As stated before, the fetishizer will place part of or all of his soul into the fetish. Gift-giving keeps oneself selfless and keeps oneself from attaching themselves to an object. It is selfishness which causes obsessions in the first place and an obvious way to counter selfishness is through selfless acts of giving. In LOTR Galadriel gives the gift of a star to Frodo after she rejects The Ring. It was meant to “light your darkest hour” and was a symbol of her victory over the obsession. Another solution proposed is to keep all objects with the context of its surroundings. No object is separate from its surroundings. In LOTR, Treebeard (an ant or tree) names a “hill” in relation to its surroundings. The actual name used is given no English translation but the significance is to put all this in perspective so that no one object can be raised above all other objects. Likewise, Sam (Frodo’s companion) finds a lost rope and begins to be mesmerized be its “ropeness.” But after a quick reality check given by Frodo to stop “chattering,” Sam relates the rope to its origins and its purpose which breaks the fetish.

Conclusion

Tolkien uses his best-selling trilogy to describe his views of morality and power. Through his characters he tells us that we all have a choice when confronted with a temptation. He shows us that it is possible to resist temptation but only if one “is his own master.” Tom Bombadil is the major character hope shows us that if you can master yourself, and accept who you are, you can resist the temptation of immoral pleasure. Similarly, Galadriel shows that is one “remains oneself” (i.e. to accept ones place in life) you can overcome temptation. This power to choose comes directly from the awareness of oneself—being aware of one’s abilities and limits. Tolkien ultimately agrees with Plato’s view that one should choose the moral life by showing us the pain the immoral characters eventually receive and the peace the moral characters eventually achieve.

The temptation or obsession in the Lord of the Rings is power. It is more than just a coincidence that humans were given nine rings of power and LOTR portrays humans as being obsessed with power. The characters in the LOTR that avoid this obsession are those who give selflessly and keep objects of power within perspective. This gift-giving is shown by Galadriel’s gift of the star to Frodo. The relating of objects to its surroundings is shown through Treebeard’s naming of a hill and Sam’s de-fetishizing of the rope.

The message we should take from The Ring is that a man should choose the moral life if given the choice. It ultimately leads to inner and possibly outward peace. Gift-giving and contextualization makes ones will toward morality stronger. The only complete way to make this choice to be moral is through the awareness of one’s being.

Source taken from : http://www.ricocheting.com/node/34

On True Knowledge

2011-08-08T15:48:00.004+08:00

How can true knowledge be obtained? What do we usually depend on when we want to know things, especially the reality of existence, and what is the role of sense perception and rational consideration? Can the spiritual seeker gain insight by what is generally called independant reasoning?

Shaykh Al-Akbar shows that whatever knowledge is acquired, reason is always bound to follow an authority, for it cannot do otherwise. So what then is the best course to follow, that is which authority can be trusted, if any?

“The eye is never mistaken, neither it nor any of the senses. . . . The rational faculty perceives in two modes: through an inherent (dhâti) perception in which it is like the senses, never being mistaken; and by a non-inherent perception. The second is what it perceives through its instruments (âla), which are reflection and sense perception.

Imagination follows the authority (taqlîd) of that which sense perception gives to it. Reflection considers imagination and finds therein individual things (mufradât). Reflection would love to configure a form to be preserved by the rational faculty. Hence it attributes some of the individual things to others. In this attribution it may be mistaken concerning the actual situation, or it may be correct. Reason judges upon this basis, so it also may be mistaken or correct. Hence reason is a follower of authority, and it may make mistakes.

Since the Sufis saw the mistakes of those who employ consideration, they turned to the path in which there is no confusion so that they might take things from the Eye of Certainty (`ayn al-yaqîn) and become qualified by certain knowledge. (II 628.27)

Reason is full of meddling because reflection governs over it, along with all the faculties within man, since there is nothing greater than reason in following authority. Reason imagines it has God-given proofs, but it only has proofs given by reflection. Reflection's proofs let it take reason wherever it wants, while reason is like a blind man. No, it is even blinder in the path of God. The Folk of Allah do not follow the authority of their reflections, since a created thing should not follow the authority of another created thing. Hence they incline toward following God's authority. They come to know God through God, and He is as He says about Himself, not as meddlesome reason judges.

How is it proper for an intelligent man to follow the authority of the reflectivtive faculty, when he divides reflective consideration into correct and corrupt? Necessarily, he has need for a criterion (fâriq) with which to separate the correct from the corrupt, but he cannot possibly distinguish between correct and corrupt reflective consideration through reflective consideration itself. Necessarily, he has need for God in that.

As for us, when we want to discern correct reflective consideration from the corrupt so that we may judge by it, we first have recourse to God, asking Him to bestow upon us knowledge of the object without the use of reflection. The Tribe depends upon this and acts in accordance with it. This is the knowledge of the prophets, the friends and the possessors of knowledge among the Folk of Allah. They never transgress their places with their reflective powers. (II 290.14)

No one can have knowledge unless he knows things through his [its] own essence. Anyone who knows something through something added to his own essence is following the authority of that added thing in what it gives to him. Nothing in existence knows things through its own essence other than the One. The knowledge of things and not-things possessed by everything other than the One is a following of authority. Since it has been established that other than God cannot have knowledge of a thing without following authority, let us follow God's authority, especially in knowledge of Him.

Why do we say that nothing can be known by other than God except through following authority? Because man knows nothing except through one of the faculties given to him by God: the senses and reason. Hence man has to follow the authority of his sense perception in that which it gives, and sense perception may be mistaken, or it may correspond to the situation as it is in itself. Or, man has to follow the authority of his rational faculty in that which it gives to him, either the incontrovertible (darûra) or consideration. But reason follows the authority of reflection, some of which is correct and some of which is corrupt, so its knowledge of affairs is by chance (bi'l-ittifâq). Hence there is nothing but following authority.

Since this is the situation, the intelligent man who wants to know God should follow His authority in the reports He has given about Himself in His scriptures and upon the tongues of His messengers. When a person wants to know the things, but he cannot know them through what his faculties give him, he should strive in acts of obedience (tâ`ât) until the Real is his hearing, his seeing, and all his faculties [see hadith]. Then he will know all affairs through God and he will know God through God. In any case there is no escape from following authority, but once you know God through God and all things through God, then you will not be visited in that by ignorance, obfucations, doubts or uncertainties. Thus have I alerted you to something which has never before reached your ear!

The rational thinkers from among the people of consideration imagine that they know what consideration, sense perception, and reason have bestowed upon them, but they are following the authority of these things. Every faculty is prone to a certain kind of mistake. Though they may know this fact, they seek to throw themselves into error, for they distinguish between that within which sense perception, reason, and reflection may be mistaken and that within which it is not mistaken. But how can they know? Perhaps that which they have declared to be a mistake is correct. Nothing can eliminate this incurable disease, unless all a person's knowledge is known through God, not through other than Him. God knows through His own Essence, not through anything added to It. Hence you also will come to know through that through which He knows, since you follow the authority of Him who knows, who is not ignorant, and who follows the authority of no one. Anyone who follows the authority of other than God follows the authority of him who is visited by mistakes and who is correct only by chance.

Someone may object: "How do you know this? Perhaps you may be mistaken in these classifications without being aware of it. For in this you follow the authority of that which can be mistaken: reason and reflection."

We reply: You are correct. However, since we see nothing but following authority, we have preferred to follow the authority of him who is named "Messenger" and that which is named "the Speech of God." We followed their authority in knowledge until the Real was our hearing and our sight, so we came to know things through God and gained knowledge of these classifications through God. The fact that we were right to follow this authority was by chance, since, as we have said, whenever reason or any of the faculties accords with something as it is in itself, this is by chance. We do not hold that it is mistaken in every situation. We only say that we do not know how to distinguish its being wrong from its being right. But when the Real is all a person's faculties and he knows things through God, then he knows the difference between the faculties' being right and their being mistaken. This is what we maintain, and no one can deny it, for he finds it in himself.

Since this is so, occupy yourself with following that which God has commanded you: practicing obedience to Him, examining (murâqaba) the thoughts that occur to your heart, shame (hayâ) before God, halting before His bounds, being alone (infirâd) with Him, and preferring His side over yourself, until the Real is all your faculties, and you are { upon insight } (Sura 12 verse 108) in your affair.

Thus have I counselled you, for we have seen the Real report about Himself that He possesses things which rational proofs and sound reflective powers reject, even though they offer proofs that the report-giver speaks the truth and people must have faith in what he says. So follow the authority of your Lord, since there is no escape from following authority! Do not follow your rational faculty in its interpretation (ta`wil)! (II 298.2)

By following the authority of God, the wayfarer thereby passes beyond mere following authority, for then the knowledge he has received through the revealed Law can be "verified" within himself. Thus "verification and realization" (tahqîq) (of what he has learned) completes and perfects following (taqlîd).

This Tribe works toward acquiring something of what the divine reports have brought from the Real. They start to polish their hearts through invocations, reciting the Koran, freeing the locus [of God's self-disclosure] from taking possible things into consideration, presence (hudûr), and self-examination (murâqaba). They also keep their outward manifestation pure by halting within the bounds established by the Law, for example by averting the eyes from these things such as private parts which it is forbidden to look upon and by looking at those things which bring about heedfulness and clear seeing [?]. So also with the hearing, tongue, hand, foot, stomach, private parts, and heart. Outwardly there are only these seven, and the heart is the eighth. Such a person eliminates reflection from himself completely, since it disperses his singleminded concern (hamm). He secludes himself at the gate of his Lord, occupying himself with examining his heart, in hopes that God will open the gate for him and he will come to know what he did not know, those things which the messengers and the Folk of Allah know and which rational faculties cannot possibly perceive on their own.

When God opens the gate to the possessor of this heart, he actualizes a divine self-disclosure which gives to him that which accords with its own properties. Then he attributes to God things which he would not have dared to attribute to God earlier. He would not have described God that way except to the extent that it was brought by the divine reports. He used to take such things through following authority. Now he takes them through unveiling which corresponds with and confirms for him what the revealed scriptures and the messengers have mentioned. He used to ascribe those things to God through faith and as a mere narrator, without verifying their meanings or adding to them. Now he ascribes them to Him within himself, with a verified knowledge because of that which has been disclosed to him. (I 271.27)

True knowledge cannot be other than unveiled by God to His creature, and this a knowledge without the intermediary of reflection or any other faculty. It is a given, according to the saying, "Knowledge is a light which God throws into the heart of whomsoever He will."

Sound knowledge is not given by reflection, nor by what the rational thinkers establish by means of their reflective powers. Sound knowledge is only that which God throws into the heart of the knower. It is a divine light for which God singles out any of His servants whom He will, whether angel, messenger, prophet, friend, or person of faith. He who has no unveiling has no knowledge (man lâ kashf lahu lâ `ilm lahu). (I 218.19)

From Chittick's translation and comment on parts of the

Futuhat al-Makkiyya by Ibn `Arabi:

"The Sufi Path Of Knowledge -

Ibn `Arabi's Metaphysics of Imagination"

http://www.livingislam.org/i/iak_e.html

Beauty and the Beast

2011-05-03T01:31:00.006+08:00

"Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young prince lived in a shining castle. Although he had everything his heart desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind.

But then, one winter's night, an old beggar woman came to the castle and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the prince sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away.

But she warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within.

And when he dismissed her again, the old woman's ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress.

The prince tried to apologize, but it was too late, for she had seen that there was no love in his heart. And as punishment, she transformed him into a hideous beast and placed a powerful spell on the castle and all who lived there.

Ashamed of his monstrous form, the beast concealed himself inside his castle, with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world.

The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his 21st year. If he could learn to love another, and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time.

As the years passed, he fell into despair and lost all hope. For who could ever learn to love a beast?"

- Taken from Disney"s Beauty and the Beast.

Things did work out

2011-04-28T00:55:00.005+08:00

Story by Cam
It was the end of 1999, and I was 12 years old, finishing up primary school, and getting ready to move into high school.After spending a few days with stomach pains, and the doctor being unable to help, I ended up down in emergency in the middle of the night because I couldn’t sleep.

Everything was happening so fast and after taking blood for testslooking for appendicitis, they pulled mum aside and when she came back in crying, I knew it couldn’t be good. I’m not sure if it was minutes or hours, but I was eventually transferred to the children’s hospital.

It’s funny the things you do remember, because dad had met us at the hospital, and followed the ambulance I was in to the hospital. One of the clearest memories was while we were stopped at a set of lights, dad reached into the glove box and pulled out some lollies, I knew that they had been there for many months and were now rock hard, mum and I had a good laugh because he, did not.

Throughout the whole experience, I’m not sure if I was trying to do it, but I ended up shutting out most of the negative stuff that happened in the first few weeks, and now I focus on all the good, all be it small things that happened.

Like my first night, I was put in a room with another guy, about my age, and his father, and I know, talking to him helped mum, and me prepare for what was ahead.

Some intense chemo kept me out of my new high school, and being the bald weird kid, didn’t help making new friends. I missed all my old friends who had left to move onto new schools and ended up struggling on my own for a long time.

I had a moment of panic once after moving onto a late part of mytreatment, when my newly grown hair, started falling out again. I was a bit annoyed that the doctor hadn’t told me this but after running out of class and calling him, I was reassured that this was normal and some people did lose their hair again.

The next time it grew back, it was for good (well, until I get a bit older and follow my father’s hairline). I had made new high school friends, and throughout CanTeen, I had also met some new friends who knew what I was going through. It helped a lot but I still had trouble fitting in around some people.

It was almost like I had become more mature than some of my friends, and talking to others who I had met in hospital, they felt the same thing.

I have ever done, but I look back from where I am now, and I know that all those experiences made me who I am today, and that without them, I wouldn’t be me. Some people do find it weird when I talk about such a negative thing in such a positive light, but part of maturing early is what has made me do that.

Looking at everything I have learnt and gained kept me going during those hard days in the hospital or at home alone, and they are the things that keep me going to this day.

Taken from : http://www.nowwhat.org.au/stories/view/things-did-work-out

Beautiful People

2011-04-26T02:35:00.005+08:00

I’m thankful for

the beautiful people

in the world

like you.

Beautiful faces are

those that wear

a friendly smile

that say, “I care.”

Beautiful eyes are

those that show,

the kindness and warmth

that glows below.

Beautiful lips utter

kindly words

that so the the soul

like the songs of birds.

Beautiful people

touch and bless;

they inspire hope

and happiness.

You will always be,

beautiful to me.

Taken from: http://www.poetryoflife.com/beautiful-people/

Imam Al Ghazzali -Qualities conducive to a happy conjugal life

2011-04-26T02:16:00.008+08:00

There are eight qualities which render a conjugal life happy and which must be sought in the woman in order to assure the perpetuity of the marriage: piety, good character, beauty, a small dowry, ability to bear children, virginity, [good] lineage, and she should not be a close relative.

[Piety]

That she should be virtuous and religious is the most fundamental requisite, and to that end [special] care must be taken. For, if her religious principles are too weak to give her the strength to be virtuous and constant,she will humiliate her husband, disgrace him among people, trouble his heart with jealousy, and thereby render his life miserable. Should he succumb to passion and jealousy, he would remain in trial and tribulation. Should he, on the other hand, follow the path of permissiveness, he would be apathetic toward his religion and honor and would be guilty of lacking zeal and pride. Also, if she is beautiful but corrupt, she will be the cause of greater tribulation; for then it becomes difficult for the husband to separate from her: Thus he is neither able to renounce her nor to endure her. His position is like that of one who came to the Prophet* and said, “0 Messenger of God, I have a wife who cannot turn back a touching hand.” The Prophet said, “Divorce her”; to which he replied, “I love her.” The Prophet responded, “Then, keep her.”“ The Prophet commanded him to hold onto her, for if he divorces her he would yearn for her and become corrupt like her. Seeing that the man's heart was in anguish, he [the Prophet] considered it preferable for him to continue his marriage and thus safeguard himself against corruption. If her faith be corrupted in squandering his possessions or in some other respect, he will remain in misery. [However,] if he remains silent and does not denounce [her deeds], he becomes a partaker of her transgression and a violator of the Almighty's command: “Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire.” If he, on the other hand, denies and disputes [her ways],, he will be miserable throughout his life.

For that reason, the Messenger* of God took pains in encouraging people to adhere to the faith saying, “A woman may be married either for her possessions, her beauty, her reputation, or her religion; for if you do marry other than a religious woman, may your hands be rubbed with dirt [taribat yadak].” Another hadith states: “He who marries a woman for her possessions and beauty loses both her beauty and her possessions; [but] he who marries her for the sake of her faith will be blessed by God with her possessions and her beauty.”The Prophet* also said, “A woman should not be married [only] for her beauty, because her beauty may destroy her; neither for her wealth, as this may make her tyrannical; [rather] marry the woman for her religious faith.” He emphatically recommended religious faith, because such a woman would bolster up the [husband's] faith. If she is not pious, she will be an element of distraction and of trouble in her husband's religion.

[Good Character]

Good character is the second quality. It is an important requisite in the search for emptying the heart” and in the pursuit of favorable surroundings for religion. For if she is vicious, ill-tongued, ill-mannered, and ungrateful, more harm than good will come from her. Toleration of a woman's tongue would try the saints. An Arab said, “Do not marry one of the following six types of women: an 'annanah [hypochondriac], a mannanah [upbraider], a hannanah [yearner], a hiddaqah [coveter], a barraqah (narcissist], or a shaddaqah [prattler]. The 'annanah is one who excessively moans, complains, and [always] wraps her head.

Marrying a constantly ill [woman] or one who feigns illness is of no avail. The mannanah is one who is constantly needling her husband by saying, “I did such and such for you.” The hannanah is one who yearns after a previous husband or after her offspring from some other husband. This, too, is among the things to be avoided. The hiddaqah is one who looks at everything, covets it, and forces her husband to buy it. The barraqah can be one of two: (a) one who spends the whole day fixing her face or making it up and beautifying it in order to give it a lustre, or (b) one who becomes angry at mealtime, thus eating only by herself and singling out her share from everything. A Yemeni expression which is appropriately used for a woman, or a child, who is not satisfied with the food given to her [or him], is Baraqat al-mar 'atu wa baraqa'l-sabiyyu al-ta'ama, that is, to become angry at mealtime. Al-shaddaqah is one who prattles a great deal; in this context the Prophet* said, “Almighty God detests the loudmouthed prattler. “

It is related that the Azdi traveler,” during his journey, met Elias* [the prophet] who ordered him to get married and discouraged him from celibacy. He then said, “Don't marry any of the following four types: a mukhlali'ah [divorce-minded], a mubariyah [boaster], an 'ahirah [harlot], or a nashiz [conceited].” Al-mukhlali'ah is one who asks for the divorce (khul') every hour for no reason; al-mubariyah is one who boasts of the superiority of another and is proud of her worldly advantages, and al'ahirah is a loose woman who is known to have lovers and intimate companions. To her the Almighty referred when He said, “nor of loose conduct” [Qur’an 4:25]. Al-nashiz is one who adopts a haughty attitude toward her husband in deed and word: the word nashaz designates that which is elevated above the ground.

'Ali* used to say, “The worst characteristics of men constitute the best characteristics of women; namely, stinginess, pride, and cowardice. For if the woman is stingy, she will preserve her own and her husband's possessions; if she is proud, she will refrain from addressing loose and improper words to everyone; and if she is cowardly, she will dread everything and will therefore not go out of her house and will avoid compromising situations for fear of her husband. These accounts indicate the sum total of the good qualities sought in marriage.

[Beauty]

The third, beauty of face, is desired because through it fortification is attained. For [a man's] natural disposition is generally not contented with an ugly woman, [even] when good character and physical beauty are often inseparable. What we have transmitted is encouragement to look for a pious woman and not marry one for her beauty, which does not discourage the cherishing of beauty, but rather discourages marrying a woman for her beauty alone [while she be] corrupt in religion. Beauty, per se, oftentimes makes marriage desirable and detracts from the importance of religion. Indicative of the regard given to beauty is the fact that closeness and love are often realized through it. For that reason the Shari'ah cats enjoined the safeguarding of the means to intimacy, and seeing [the woman] before marriage was deemed desirable.

The Prophet said, “If God should incline the heart of one of you toward a woman, let him look at her, for it will bring them closer together.”“ That is to say, it will cause them to be closer to each other like the closeness of the epidermis to the endodermis, which is the inner skin [as opposed to] the epidermis [which] is the outer skin. He mentions that only to stress the degree of closeness. The Prophet* said, “There is something in the eyes of the Ansar; therefore, if one of you wishes to marry one of their women, let him look at them.” It was said [in effect] that those women were “blear-eyed.” It was also said, “small-eyed.”

Some God-fearing men would not marry off their daughters until they are seen as a precaution against delusion. AlA'mash said, “Every marriage occurring without looking ends in worry and sadness.” It is obvious that looking does not reveal character, religion, or wealth; rather, it distinguishes beauty from ugliness.

It was related that during the time of 'Umar* a man got married. The man had colored his hair and the dyestuff had faded. The woman's family complained to 'Umar saying, “We thought he was a young man.” 'Umar beat him excessively and said, “You have deceived the people.” It is related that Bilal and Suhayb came to a bedouin household and asked to marry their daughters. They were asked: “Who are you?” Bilal said, “I am Bilal and this is my brother, Suhayb. We were misguided, but God has directed us; we were enslaved, but God freed us; we were dependent [on others], but God has made us independent; if you should give us wives, then thanks be to God; and if you should turn us away, then praise be to God.” They [the household] answered, “Rather, you will marry, and thanks be to God.” Suhayb said to Bilal, “Would that you had mentioned our association and dealings with the Messenger* of God.” He replied, “Be quiet. I spoke the truth and the truth will get you married.”

One may be deceived both in beauty and in character; therefore it is desirable to avoid deception in beauty by looking, and [deception] in character by description and inquiry. It is desirable that this precede marriage. A description of her character and beauty should not be sought from any but one who is keen, who is truthful, who is well versed in the apparent and the hidden [qualities], who is not predisposed toward her lest he should praise her too much, and who does not envy her lest he should not praise her enough. In stating the basis for marriage and in describing the would-be wives, the natural disposition leans toward exaggeration and excessiveness. Few are the ones who are truthful and are inclined to modesty; rather, deception and enticement often predominate. Caution, therefore, is important for one who would guard himself against longing for a woman other than his wife.

As for the man whose purpose in having a wife is mere observation of the sunna, bearing children, or caring for the house, should he renounce beauty, he would draw nearer to asceticism; because seeking beauty, in short, is a wordly interest even though in the case of some individuals [it] may be an aid to religion.

Abu Sulayman al-Darani said, “Indifference (zuhd) [to worldly interests may be] in anything, even in women.” Thus a man [might] marry an old woman because he has preferred to renounce worldly delights. Malik b. Dinar used to say, “Many a man among you would refrain from marrying an orphan, whose feeding and clothing would cost little and who would be easily satisfied, thus gaining merit [before God]. Rather, he would marry the daughter of so and so-meaning prominent people-who would make many demands of him saying, `Clothe me with such and such.'“ Ahmad b. Hanbal preferred a one-eyed [woman] over her sister who was beautiful. For he asked: “Who is the better behaved of the two?” He was told: “The one-eyed.” He replied: “Give her to me in marriage.” Such is the constant endeavor of one who does not seek [mere] sensual pleasures. If someone cannot secure his faith without a source of pleasure, then let him seek beauty because enjoyment of what is lawful strengthens faith.

It has been said that if a woman is beautiful, of good character, with black eyes and hair, large eyes, white complexion, loves her husband, and has an eye to no other man, she is in the image of the houris [hawar]. For Almighty God has ascribed to the women of paradise this description in the verse, “the good and beautiful” [Qur’an 60:70] (by “good” He meant “those enjoying good manners”); in the verse “of modest gaze” [37:48]; and in the verse “lovers ('urub), friends” [56:37]. (By “lovers,” He means someone who is in love with her husband and desirous of seducing him so as to complete her pleasure. By al-hawar, He meant whiteness; al-hawra' is a woman with intense whiteness of the sclera, profound blackness of the eyes matching the profound blackness of the hair, and big, wide[-set] eyes.)

The Prophet said, “The best of your women is one who pleases her husband when he looks at her, who obeys him when he commands her, and guards his memory and his possessions when he is absent.”Her husband will be delighted to look at her if she loves him.

[Dowry]

The fourth quality is that her dowry should be small. The Messenger* of God declared that “The best women are those whose faces are the most beautiful and whose dowries are the smallest.”He enjoined against excessiveness in dowries.” The Messenger* of God married one of his wives for a dowry of ten dirhams and household furnishings that consisted of a hand mill, a jug, a pillow made of skin stuffed with palm fibers,” and a stone ('iliyy);in the case of another, he feasted with two measures of barley;” and for another, with two measures of dates and two of mush (sawiq).

'Umar* [also] used to enjoin against excessive dowries and used to say, “In getting married and in marrying of his daughters, the Messenger* of God never spent more than 400 dirhams.”“ If paying excessive dowries for women were a virtue, the Messenger* of God would have been the first to do so. One of the companions of the Messenger* of God was married for a date-pit of gold equal to five dirhams . Sa'aid b. al-Musayyab married his daughter to Abu Hurayrah* for two dirhams. He then took her personally to him by night, let her in through the door, then departed. Seven days later, he came back and greeted her. Even if he [Sa'id] had married for ten dirhams to be different from the rest of the ulema, there would be nothing wrong with his act.

A khabar states that “a woman's blessing is in marrying and in bearing children quickly, and “in the reasonableness of her dowry. ' He also said, “The most blessed among them are the ones with the smallest dowries.”

Just as it is undesirable for the woman's dowry to be excessive, it is undesirable for the man to ask about the possessions of the woman. Marriage should never be motivated by avidity for wealth. Al-Thawri said, “Should one marry and ask `What does the woman possess?' know ye that he is a thief; and should a person give them a present, it should not be with the purpose of forcing them to reciprocate with more; likewise, should they give him a present, the expectation of receiving more [than they gave] is immoral. Exchanging gifts is desirable, and results in friendship.” The Prophet* said, “If you exchange gifts, you will love each other.” As pertains to seeking more, it is included in the words of the Almighty: “And show not favor, seeking worldly gain” [Qur’an 74:6], that is to say, give [not] in order to receive more; also in the Almighty's words: “That which ye give in usury in order that it may increase on (other) people's property” [30:39], for usurious interest is the increase, and that [giving a gift] is an attempt to increase the principal, though it is not usurious. All such attempts are detested and are regarded as heretical in marriage. For they resemble trading and gambling, and their aim corrupts marriage.

[Childbearing]

The fifth quality is that the woman be able to bear children. Should she be known to be barren, then one should avoid marrying her. The Prophet* said, “Marry the loving child-bearer”;if she has no husband and her affairs are not known, the decision should be based on her health and her youth for, given these two qualities, she will most likely be capable of bearing children.

[Virginity]

The sixth quality is that she should be a virgin. The Prophet* said to Jabir, who had married an unwed deflowered woman, “Would that she were a virgin so you could daily with her and she with you.”Virginity has three advantages:

(a) First, the virgin will love the husband and feel close to him, which will favorably influence their conjugal attachment. The Prophet* said, “Marry the loving (woman)”; for the natural disposition is to be attached to the first mate with whom one has had intimate relations. On the other hand, a woman who has experienced men and life may not be satisfied with some of the qualities that differ from those she is accustomed to, and may, therefore, loathe the husband.

(b) Second, it engenders a greater measure of his love for her, as it is a man's nature to be somewhat repelled by a woman who has been touched by another husband; that would contradict [a man's] nature regardless of what might be said [to the contrary]. Certain natures find it more repulsive than others.

(c) Third, the virgin does not yearn after the first husband, because, in general, the surest love is that which is engendered with the first loved one.

[Good Lineage]

The seventh quality is that the wife should be of good lineage, that is to say, she should come from a religious and righteous background, because she will bring up her daughters and sons. If she is not well bred, she will not be able to raise her children well. For that reason the Prophet* said, “Beware of the green dung (khadra' al-diman).”It was asked, “What is the green dung?” He said, “The beautiful woman with an evil origin.”The Prophet* said, “Exercise care in choosing [wives] for your sperm, for a hereditary quality is wont to return.”

[Not a Close Relative]

The eighth quality is that she should not be a close relative, as that would lessen desire. The Prophet* said, “Don't marry close relatives for then the child is born scrawny”;that is to say, weak; such is the weakening effect it [marrying close relatives] has on desire. For desire is excited by the deep emotions which result from sight and touch; emotions are strengthened by whatever is unfamiliar and new. On the other hand, what is familiar and seen continuously renders the faculties incapable of fully appreciating it [desire], being affected by it, or becoming aroused through it. These are the qualities desired in women.

[INQUIRY INTO THE HUSBAND'S CHARACTER]

It is incumbent upon the guardian also to examine the qualities of the husband and to look after his daughter so as not to give her in marriage to one who is ugly, ill-mannered, weak in faith, negligent in upholding her rights, or unequal to her in descent. The Prophet* has said, “Marriage is enslavement; let one, therefore, be careful in whose hands he places his daughter.”“ Exercising caution on her behalf is important, because she becomes a slave by the marriage and cannot be freed from it, while the husband is able to obtain divorce at all times. Whoever gives his daughter in marriage to a person who is unjust, licentious, heretical, or an inebriate commits a crime against his religion and exposes himself to the wrath of God for having severed his parental tie by having made a bad choice. A man said to al-Hasan,“A number of suitors have asked for my daughter's hand in marriage; to whom should I give her?” He replied, “To the one who fears God; because if he loves her, he will be kind to her; and if he hates her, he will not wrong her.” The Prophet* said, “Whoever gives his daughter in marriage to a licentious man has betrayed her womb.”

Taken from : http://www.ghazali.org/works/marriage.htm

Five qualities to look for in a companion

2011-04-22T10:40:00.004+08:00

When you try to find a companion in order that he may be your partner in acquisition of knowledge and your companion in your religious and secular matters, look for five qualities in him.

1. Intelligence. There is no good in the companionship of a stupid/ignorant man. Companionship with such a man end in isolation and separation. An enemy who is intelligent is better than a friend who is ignorant.

'Ali, may Allah be pleased with him said:

"Do not be in the company of an ignorant friend;

Beware of him and let him beware of you.

How often an ignorant man has brought destruction

to a forbearing man who has befriended him."

2. Good character. Do not be the companion of a man whose character is bad. He is one who is unable to control himself when he is angry and is overly excited when he desires something.

'Ali, may Allah be pleased with him said:

"Your true friend is he who is always with you,

And he who harms himself in order to help you,

And he who, when calamities of the time break you,

scatters his cloak in order to save you."

3. Piety. Do not be the companion of a fasiq who persists in major sin. This is because he who fears God does not persist in major sin, and he who does not fear God may cause you mischief; indeed, his attitude towards you will change with the changes in his luck and conditions.

Beware, because the constant sight of sin will remove the dislike of sin from your mind and will create the feeling that sin is something light.

4. Absence of greed. Companionship of a man greedy for the worldly matters is DEADLY poison, for human nature is such that the nature of one man tends to resemble that of another and to imitate it; indeed, a man's nature steals the qualities of another man's nature in such a way that he is not aware of it. Therefore, association with a greedy man will increase your greed.

5. Truthfulness. Do not be the companion of a liar, for he is like the mirage; he will show that which is remote near to you and that which is near remote from you.

. . . .

Men are of three categories:

One is like food from which no one can be independent.

Another is like medicine which is needed sometimes but not always.

The third one is like a disease which is never needed but with which man is sometimes afflicted.

~~~

[An excerpt from "Bidayat al-Hidayah" (Beginning of Guidance) by al-Imam al-Ghazzali]

taken from: http://badriyah-ummi-almujahidah.blogspot.com/2009/08/five-qualities-to-look-for-in-companion.html

Children Learn What They Live

2011-04-10T11:35:00.004+08:00

Poem by Dorothy Law Nolte

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.

If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.

If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.

If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.

If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.

If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.

If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.

If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.

If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.

If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.

If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.

If children live with fairness, they learn justice.

If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.

If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.

If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Principles of Growth and Change

2011-04-09T20:15:00.007+08:00

The glitter of the personality ethic, the massive appeal, is that there is some quick and easy way to achieve quality of life -- personal effectiveness and rich, deep relationships with other people -- without going through the natural process of work and growth that makes it possible.

It's symbol without substance. It's the "get rich quick" scheme promising "wealth without work." And it might even appear to succeed -- but the schemer remains.

The personality ethic is illusory and deceptive. And trying to get high-quality results with its techniques and quick fixes is just about as effective as trying to get to some place in Chicago using a map of Detroit.

In the words of Erich Fromm, an astute observer of the roots and fruits of the personality ethic.

Today we come across an individual who behaves like an automaton, who does not know or understand himself, and the only person that he knows is the person that he is supposed to be, whose meaningless chatter has replaced communicative speech, whose synthetic smile has replaced genuine laughter, and whose sense of dull despair has taken the place of genuine pain. Two statements may be said concerning this individual. One is that he suffers from defects of spontaneity and individuality which may seem to be incurable. At the same time it may be said of him he does not differ essentially from the millions of the rest of us who walk upon this earth.

In all of life, there are sequential stages of growth and development. A child learns to turn over, to sit up, to crawl, and then to walk and run. Each step is important and each one takes time. No step can be skipped.

This is true in all phases of life, in all areas of development, whether it be learning to play the piano or communicate effectively with a working associate. It is true with individuals, with marriages, with families, and with organizations.

We know and accept this fact or principle of process in the area of physical things, but to understand it in emotional areas, in human relations, and even in the area of personal character is less common and more difficult. And even if we understand it, to accept it and to live in harmony with it are even less common and more difficult. Consequently, we sometimes look for a shortcut, expecting to be able to skip some of these vital steps in order to save time and effort and still reap the desired result.

But what happens when we attempt to shortcut a natural process in our growth and development? If you are only an average tennis player but decide to play at a higher level in order to make a better impression, what will result? Would positive thinking alone enable you to compete effectively against a professional?

What if you were to lead your friends to believe you could play the piano at concert hall level while your actual present skill was that of a beginner?

The answers are obvious. It is simply impossible to violate, ignore, or shortcut this development process. It is contrary to nature, and attempting to seek such a shortcut only results in disappointment

and frustration.

On a 10-point scale, if I am at level two in any field, and desire to move to level five, I must first take the step toward level three. "A thousand-mile journey begins with the first step" and can only be taken one step at a time.

If you don't let a teacher know what level you are -- by asking a question, or revealing your ignorance -- you will not learn or grow. You cannot pretend for long, for you will eventually be found out. Admission of ignorance is often the first step in our education. Thoreau taught, "How can we remember our ignorance, which our growth requires, when we are using our knowledge all of the time?"

I recall one occasion when two young women, daughters of a friend of mine, came to me tearfully, complaining about their father's harshness and lack of understanding. They were afraid to open up with their parents for fear of the consequences. And yet they desperately needed their parents' love, understanding, and guidance.

I talked with the father and found that he was intellectually aware of what was happening. But while he admitted he had a temper problem, he refused to take responsibility for it and to honestly accept the fact that his emotional development level was low. It was more than his pride could swallow to take the first step toward change.

To relate effectively with a wife, a husband, children, friends, or working associates, we must learn to listen. And this requires emotional strength. Listening involves patience, openness, and the desire to understand -- highly developed qualities of character. It's so much easier to operate from a low emotional level and to give high-level advice.

Our level of development is fairly obvious with tennis or piano playing, where it is impossible to pretend. But it is not so obvious in the areas of character and emotional development. We can "pose" and "put on" for a stranger or an associate. We can pretend. And for a while we can get by with it -- at least in public. We might even deceive ourselves. Yet I believe that most of us know the truth of what we really are inside; and I think many of those we live with and work with do as well.

I have seen the consequences of attempting to shortcut this natural process of growth often in the business world, where executives attempt to "buy" a new culture of improved productivity, quality, morale, and customer service with the strong speeches, smile training, and external interventions, or through mergers, acquisitions, and friendly or unfriendly takeovers. But they ignore the low-trust climate produced by such manipulations. When these methods don't work, they look for other personality ethic techniques that will -- all the time ignoring and violating the natural principles and processes on which high-trust culture is based.

I remember violating this principle myself as a father many years ago. One day I returned home to my little girl's third-year birthday party to find her in the corner of the front room, defiantly clutching all of her presents, unwilling to let the other children play with them. The first thing I noticed was several parents in the room witnessing this selfish display. I was embarrassed, and doubly so because at the time I was teaching university classes in human relations. And I knew, or at least felt, the expectation of these parents.

The atmosphere in the room was really charged -- the children were crowding around my little daughter with their hands out, asking to play with the presents they had just given, and my daughter was adamantly refusing. I said to myself, "Certainly I should teach my daughter to share. The value of sharing is one of the most basic things we believe in."

So I first tried a simple request. "Honey, would you please share with your friends the toys they've given you?

"No," she replied flatly.

My second method was to use a little reasoning. "Honey, if you learn to share your toys with them when they are at your home, then when you go to their homes they will share their toys with you."

Again, the immediate reply was "No!"

I was becoming a little more embarrassed, for it was evident I was having no influence. The third method was bribery. Very softly I said, "Honey, if you share, I've got special surprise for you. I'll give you a piece of gum."

"I don't want gum!" she exploded.

Now I was becoming exasperated. For my fourth attempt, I resorted to fear and threat. "Unless you share, you will be in real trouble!"

"I don't care!" she cried. "These are my things. I don't have to share!"

Finally, I resorted to force. I merely took some of the toys and gave them to the other kids. "Here, kids, play with these."

But at that moment, I valued the opinion those parents had of me more than the growth and development of my child and our relationship together. I simply made an initial judgment that I was right; she should share, and she was wrong in not doing so.

Perhaps I superimposed a higher-level expectation on her simply because on my own scale I was at a lower level. I was unable or unwilling to give patience or understanding, so I expected her to give things. In an attempt to compensate for my deficiency, I borrowed strength from my position and authority and forced her to do what I wanted her to do.

But borrowing strength builds weakness. It builds weakness in the borrower because it reinforces dependence on external factors to get things done. It builds weakness in the person forced to acquiesce, stunting the development of independent reasoning, growth, and internal discipline. And finally, it builds weakness in the relationship. Fear replaces cooperation, and both people involved become more arbitrary and defensive.

And what happens when the source of borrowed strength -- be it superior size or physical strength, position, authority, credentials, status symbols, appearance, or past achievements -- changes or is no longer there?

Had I been more mature, I could have relied on my own intrinsic strength -- my understanding of sharing and of growth and my capacity to love and nurture -- and allowed my daughter to make a free choice as to whether she wanted to share or not to share. Perhaps after attempting to reason with her, I could have turned the attention of the children to an interesting game, taking all that emotional pressure off my child. I've learned that once children gain a sense of real possession, they share very naturally, freely, and spontaneously.

My experience has been that there are times to teach and times not to teach. When relationships are strained and the air charged with emotion, an attempt to teach is often perceived as a form of judgment and rejection. But to take the child alone, quietly, when the relationship is good and to discuss the teaching or the value seems to have much greater impact. It may have been that the emotional maturity to do that was beyond my level of patience and internal control at the time.

Perhaps a sense of possessing needs to come before a sense of genuine sharing. Many people who give mechanically or refuse to give and share in their marriages and families may never have

experienced what it means to possess themselves, their own sense of identity and self-worth. Really helping our children grow may involve being patient enough to allow them the sense of possession as well as being wise enough to teach them the value of giving and providing the example ourselves.

Taken from : THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE by Stephen R. Covey

The Cab Ride I'll Never Forget

2011-03-06T23:51:00.005+08:00

Story by Kent Nerburn

Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living. One time I arrived in the middle of the night for a pick up at a building that was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window.

Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a minute, then drive away. But I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation smelled of danger, I always went to the door. This passenger might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself. So I walked to the door and knocked.

"Just a minute," answered a frail, elderly voice.

I could hear something being dragged across the floor. After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase.

The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

"Would you carry my bag out to the car?" she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness.

"It's nothing," I told her. "I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated."

"Oh, you're such a good boy," she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, then asked, "Could you drive through downtown?"

"It's not the shortest way," I answered quickly.

"Oh, I don't mind," she said. "I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice."

I looked in the rear view mirror. Her eyes were glistening.

"I don't have any family left," she continued. "The doctor says I don't have very long."

I quietly reached over and shut off the meter. "What route would you like me to take?" I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, "I'm tired. Let's go now."

We drove in silence to the address she had given me.

It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her. I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

"How much do I owe you?" she asked, reaching into her purse.

"Nothing," I said.

"You have to make a living," she answered.

"There are other passengers."

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.

"You gave an old woman a little moment of joy," she said. "Thank you."

I squeezed her hand, then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly, lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life. We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware—beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

Taken from : http://www.weboflove.org/060309cabride

Deals, Steals And Bargain

2011-02-27T10:56:00.005+08:00

I walked briskly to the foyer at Expo level 2 for the sports apparels and accessories sale to get a water bottle for my mum. Upon my arrival, it did not take me long to choose the one suitable for my mum. It cost a staggering $16 for a 400ml water bottle, but I knew it was the best for her, rather than reusing soft drink bottles which have dangerous chemicals in it.

After scanning, the cashier told me that NETS payment was only for purchases above $30. I left the store, inside me cursing at the situation. But at the back of my mind, I felt there will be something good out of this. And boy was I right.

I went to withdrew money from the ATM and returned to Expo. Somehow I felt that going straight to the hall for the Robinsons sale would be more worthwhile than going back to the sports sale. I went around, window shopping and to my surprise, they were also selling quality water bottles! The prices made it even better – it was a lot cheaper than the ones at the foyer. I grabbed a few bottles and went around to get more stuff.

The greedy me was spoilt with such variety of snacks that I wanted to take the whole trolley of chocolate and manuka honey home. Battling the crowds, I went around buying chocolates and toiletries at killer prices. With lots of stuff piling in my arms, I set on a quest of looking for a shopping bag.

A saleslady stopped me and asked if I wanted a bag. “Why yes please”, I replied. I thanked her and continued my shopping spree. It felt damn good to get stuff at discounted prices. I love deals, steals and bargains.

Today’s positive experience made me feel loved. If it wasn’t for Him, I would have burnt a hole in my pocket with that costly bottle. If it wasn’t for Him, I would never have found that much needed groceries bag. If it wasn’t for Him, I wouldn’t have experienced this experience.

Taken from; http://saifullah.wordpress.com/2010/06/27/775/

The Paradoxical Commandents

2011-02-26T07:36:00.008+08:00

Poem by Dr. Kent M Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.

Love them anyway

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.

Do good anyway

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.

Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.

Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.

Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.

Build anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.

Give the world the best you have anyway.

The Accidental Doctor

2011-02-25T03:05:00.003+08:00

Robert Lee's dream of Olympic gold imploded on a gymnastics mat in Allentown, Pennsylvania. It happened in a split second on July 4, 1983, two days before his 18th birthday. The Los Angeles Games were still a year off, but Lee was working to master a risky move. He had done it hundreds of times -- 360-degree somersault, midair twist, two-hand landing and roll. But on this evening, as his fellow gymnasts watched in horror, he failed to gain enough height and crashed to the ground on his chin.

"It felt as if someone had dumped a ton of sand on me and just my head was sticking out," Lee remembers. "I didn't know where my body was." The impact crushed his spinal cord at the seventh vertebra, causing paralysis of both his legs and arms. In an instant, he went from being an elite athlete to a quadriplegic.

A decade earlier, Robert Seung-bok Lee had emigrated from South Korea with his mother, father, brother and sister. "My parents wanted us to have a bigger and better life in America," he says, "but it was tough." Leaving a spacious house behind in Seoul, the family squeezed into a one-bedroom apartment in Flushing, New York. Lee's pharmacist father, unable to get licensed in the United States, found work mopping floors at Jamaica Hospital, an hour's ride away by carpool. His mother, who had always stayed home to care for her children, took a job at the nearby Swingline stapler factory.

Lee knew no English; he thought if he spoke slowly and loudly in his native language, the other kids at school would understand him. When he unpacked the lunch his mother had made him -- rice, tiny dried fish and spicy fried vegetables -- his classmates screamed, "What is he eating?"

Frantic to fit in, Lee hurried home each day and copied words he didn't understand from the dictionary. He bought a skateboard and clothing with American labels, but he still felt like an outsider. "I had this emptiness inside me," he remembers, "and I didn't know how to fill it."

One summer day in 1976 while watching the Montreal Olympic Games on his family's small TV set, Lee found the answer. When Romanian gymnast Nadia Comaneci scored seven perfect 10s, Lee thought, That's me. "I wanted to wear all those gold medals and show the kids who belittled me that I was a proud South Korean."

He began sneaking through the back door at the Flushing YMCA to attend open gymnastics workouts. "I had a passion for it from the beginning," he says. When he'd saved enough to enroll in classes, he began training on the pommel horse, rings and parallel bars. After, he would practice floor exercises on the grass in the botanical garden across from his apartment.

At age 15, Lee earned a spot at an Olympic training center in Allentown, Pennsylvania. His parents begged him not to go. He was their eldest son, they said, and it was his duty to focus on academics and go to college. "You're just going through some teenage phase," his father snapped. But Lee couldn't be stopped.

In the early '80s, he won two gold medals at the junior-level U.S. Nationals. On the day of his catastrophic injury, Lee, who had maintained his South Korean citizenship, qualified for his native country's national team and was on track to be named to its 1984 Olympic squad.

After his accident, Lee was rushed to Lehigh Valley Hospital, where doctors surrounded him, inserting tubes everywhere. He remained conscious, though scared and woozy. "Don't do that," he shouted when an attendant began cutting off his favorite gym shorts. "I was still thinking about the big Olympic dream," he says. "I didn't believe it was over."

When his family arrived several hours later, his mother and sister broke down in tears. His father, with a look that Lee has never forgotten, said, "See, this is what happened because you disobeyed your parents."

Lee spent the next three months immobilized with a metal halo screwed into his skull to prevent further injury to his neck. What hurt most was that his doctors didn't talk to him about his prognosis. "They'd poke and prod, talk among themselves in their jargon, then leave," Lee remembers. "I felt like a medical experiment." His anger and frustration sparked his own interest in medicine. "I decided that one day I was going to become a caring doctor who offered hope." Shortly before Lee was discharged, a doctor finally gave him the grim news -- the accident had rendered him a quadriplegic. "My Olympic dream ended that day," Lee says. "The thing I had given my life to was over."

He spent most of the next year at Manhattan's famed Rusk Institute of Rehabilitation Medicine. He hated it. "I felt degraded doing piddling little exercises with three-pound weights attached to my wrists when I'd once been training for the Olympics," he says. But, through rigorous physical therapy, he regained minimal movement in his arms. He learned to write using a gadget fitted over his hand to stabilize a pen. His therapist worked with him on the streets of Manhattan, helping him master getting on and off buses and navigating crowds. By the end of his stay, he had learned to manage on his own.

That summer, he watched the 1984 Olympics at his parents' house. "Here I was, the first son who was supposed to make a name for my family, in a wheelchair, like a broken trophy," he says. "My dad never verbalized his disappointment, but I felt it. I wanted to reverse it with my accomplishments."

That fall, Lee enrolled at New York University. He adjusted well despite inevitable challenges -- like falling out of his chair getting on a bus. "It freaked out the passengers," he says, laughing, "but I was a rambunctious college guy, and it didn't faze me at all."

What did faze him was the dean's refusal, during Lee's senior year, to recommend him for medical school. "He kept asking, 'How are you going to do this in a wheelchair?' " Lee recalls. For once, he gave up.

He decided instead to go to graduate school at Columbia University, and earned a master's in public health. While there, fellow students urged him not to abandon medicine. So, in 1993, Lee applied and was accepted at Dartmouth Medical School, where he became its first student in a wheelchair.

During New Hampshire's winters, Lee's chair got stuck in the snow; when it was stormy, he missed lectures. Impressed with his perseverance, classmates nicknamed him "S.B." -- short not for his given name, Seung-bok, but for Super Boy. The moniker has stuck.

His parents, who returned to South Korea in the mid-'90s, didn't attend his 2001 graduation. "That was one of my biggest disappointments," Lee says. "I had worked so hard toward that day."

Lee knew he wanted to work in physical rehabilitation, but wondered how patients would react to him. At Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, where he served as chief resident in Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation, senior physicians noted that Lee provided a sense of hope to spinal cord injury patients that no able-bodied doctor could.

More than 20 years after his accident, Lee completed his residency in 2005 and began receiving job offers from around the country. He chose to work at Baltimore's Kennedy Krieger Institute in a newly opened state-of-the-art spinal cord injury center with John McDonald, a pioneering neurologist who worked with Christopher Reeve before he died. "In the past," explains Dr. McDonald, "people with spinal cord injury received acute care followed by rehabilitation -- then nothing." McDonald advocates patterned exercise and electric stimulation, which can awaken dormant nerves.

Today Lee, who became a U.S. citizen in 1984, lives alone in a two-bedroom Baltimore apartment. He drives himself to Kennedy Krieger each morning in a van equipped with hand controls and an automatic ramp. Lee develops therapeutic plans for roughly a dozen patients a week. "He knows exactly what the patients are feeling," says Dr. Cristina Sadowsky, the center's clinical director. "They open up to him with questions they would never ask otherwise, about things like sexual function and bladder problems."

Lee no longer dreams of walking again. "If there were an opportunity, I'd be one of the first to want it," he says. "But I'm useful doing the work I'm doing, and I'm finding my life rewarding." He hopes one day to return to South Korea and work with spinal cord injury patients there.

Last January, Lee's parents traveled from South Korea to attend a conference where their son was speaking. At the hotel that night, Lee's father said the words his son had long been waiting to hear: "I'm so proud of you."

At a rally at Kennedy Krieger last May, a five-year-old boy perched in a small motorized wheelchair pointed at Lee. When his mother told him the man was a doctor, the little boy couldn't contain his delight. "Hey, look!" he shouted. "That doctor can't walk either!" Dr. Lee wheeled over and gave the boy a great big hug.

Taken from : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:GravityFong/Reader's_Digest/Jan_2007/The_Accidental_Doctor

My Unexpected Teacher

2011-02-24T14:58:00.009+08:00

Story by Muhammad Fairuz Bin Abdullah

During my first seven semesters as a medical student at Gadjah Mada University in Yogyakarta, Indonesia, I spent most of my time studying and in classrooms. I rarely spoke with real patients in a hospital setting. Then last year I started visiting the neurology ward at Dr. Sardjito Hospital.

I was gathering data for my thesis, an assessment of the oral contraceptive pill as a risk factor for ischemic strokes. This type of stroke is the most common and it occurs as a result of an obstruction within a blood vessel supplying blood to the brain. At the hospital I would review the medical records of newly admitted stroke patients, then interview them to find out if they were taking the pill. It was a slow process.

One cold, rainy evening last October, I was in the neurology ward desperately “hunting” for the final three patients I needed to complete my study. The records showed that there was a 43-year-old stroke patient, whom I will call Ms A, in the ward.

Holding a patient questionnaire, I walked towards her room. I didn’t see any doctors or nurses; the ward was quiet. Ms A’s dimly lit room had eight beds. I could see dark clouds and heavy raindrops through the window. The familiar “hospital odour” hung in the chill air.

Ms A was lying on bed 4B, clearly still weak as she was still recovering from her recent stroke. There were no relatives or friends with her. Even the bed beside her was empty. I sat down on a chair next to her bed, and in a low voice I introduced myself and asked how she was doing. She softly replied that she was getting better but the left side of her body was still weak. When I told her that I wanted to gather some additional information from her, she agreed.

The questionnaire consisted of three simple yes-or-no questions. After I finished, I prepared to leave so I could go through more medical records. Before I could stand up, Ms A spoke up in her weak voice. “I haven’t seen you here before, doc. Are you new?”

“Not really, Ma’am. It’s just that I don’t come here every day,” I replied. She started making conversation, asking where I was from and why I was working so late in the evening. I was surprised someone in her condition would want to talk.

“Doc, do you think I can get back my normal life?” Ms A asked at one point.

Deep in my heart, I thought, God, I wish I was your doctor so I could answer you properly.

I replied that while I didn’t know much about her case, I could tell her what I had learned about the recovery of stroke patients. Depending on the severity of the stroke, quite a number respond well to rehabilitation. I was reluctant to go into too much detail as I was only a medical student.

Ms A started talking about herself. She told me that she had three children in primary school, who were staying with a neighbour. “My husband died a year ago and I’m the sole breadwinner of my family. We are not rich and my pay as a cleaner is exactly enough for me and my kids.”

I didn’t know what to say. Looking into her eyes, I desperately tried to remember the lessons from a communication skills class I had taken a few years earlier, but my mind was blank. I cursed myself for not paying more attention.

Without realising it, I had begun holding Ms A’s hand. Since I didn’t have anything to say, I just sat quietly while she talked. That’s when it occurred to me that she was not expecting any reply from me. She just wanted me to listen.

The conversation went on like this for about 20 minutes. She shared her difficulties and sufferings, talked about her husband, who was killed in a car accident, and her struggles to earn money. She also expressed her fear about what would become of her children if something bad happened to her. All I did was nod my head as a way of showing my sympathy.

Finally, Ms A stopped talking. “I’m very sorry for keeping you here to listen to my problems, but I feel relieved now. I had no-one to pour out my problems to.”

A single tear fell from the corner of her eye. I stroked her hair and continued to hold her hand. Finally, I knew what to say. “It’s OK, Ma’am. It’s part of my duty.”

“Thank you, doc, thank you so much.”

She let go of my hand. I stood up, covered her with a blanket, waved goodbye and left her alone in her bed. A few days later, when I returned to the ward, I discovered that Ms A had been discharged as her condition had improved, though she would still need rehabilitation.

Ms A taught me one of the most important lessons a doctor can learn. Sometimes patients do not need expensive medicine or state-of-the-art technology. They just need someone with the patience and willingness to lend an ear and spare a little of their time. For me, that is one of the best things a doctor can do for a patient.

Story taken from : http://www.rdasia.com/my_unexpected_teacher

After a While

2011-02-24T14:38:00.008+08:00

Poem By Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn

The subtle difference between

Holding a hand and chaining a soul

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning

And company doesn't always mean security

And you begin to learn

That kisses aren't contacts

And present aren't promises

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head up and your eyes ahead

With the grace of a woman

Not the grief of a child

And you learn

To build all your roads on today

Because tomorrow's ground is

Too uncertain for plans

And future have a way

Of failing down in mid flight

After a while you learn

That even sunshine burns if you get too much

So you plant your own garden

And decorate your own soul

Instead of waiting

For someone to bring you flowers

And you learn

That you really can endure

That you are really strong

And you really do have worth

And you learn and you learn

With every good bye you learn.